One of my real inspirations to start my own blog came from reading blogs this past year, many of whom purport the whole 'keep it in the tribe' philosophy. A few days ago, I came upon this The Urban Kvetch:
http://estherkustanowitz.typepad.com/myurbankvetch2005/2006/02/an_open_letter_.html#comment-63568154
Yet another attack on 'good Jewish boys who've gone to the other side' (meaning hooking up with a *gasp* non-Jewish girl). I'm really sick of all the kvetching about people ruining the Jewish culture because they are falling in love with and building lives with people outside the 'tribe'.One day folks will realize that the true demise of a culture comes when that culture refuses to adapt, grow and change to its new environment.
Evolution is inevitable.
If synagogues and Jewish 'leaders' in the community continue to ostracize Jews for falling in love with people who aren't Jewish, the culture will eventually die out. My living with a Muslim man does not make me any less Jewish. We share our deepest set of values that I have never found in anyone else (Jewish or otherwise).
Love doesn't come in a webpage package or a circumcision or a Jewish middle name. It doesn't come in going to synagogue or keeping kosher. Those things are all secondary to the simple rule: do you connect with this other person on a real personal, intimate, deep-down, life-affirming connection kind of way?When you look into this person's eyes does it make your heart beat just a little bit faster? When this person says something, does it connect with you somewhere deep down in your soul a place you never realized existed within you? Can you picture yourself living with and loving this person for the rest of your life, even if they don't know where the laundry basket is, even if they never wash their dishes? Is there just something about that other person that completes you?
Yes people, this is love!
Can 2 people be Jewish and be in love? Of course. But that cannot be the only factor, it will never be enough, it will never survive!Can a Muslim man and a Jewish woman raise beautiful loving children together who are open to the universe, to their cultures and traditions and who can grow to understand the multiplicity and greatness of all things? Yes of course!Will this relationship mean the death of Judaism? No. It is the evolution of Judaism. It is a new interpretation. It will eventually hopefully mean the death of wars and hatred which stems from differences and misunderstandings that stem from those differences. The more people in this universe meld mingle and mix, the more we will come to understand one another.
I will fight until the day I die this kind of kvetching, this ignorance put forth by fear mongerers that all _________ people should hook up with all ___________ people.
End the fear mongering now. Spread the love. Connect with people because you feel deep in your bones that you cannot live without them in your world, not because your parents are telling you to hook up with someone of your own culture.
End the fear. Stop the hate. Spread the love.
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7 comments:
I completely agree with you 1000 per cent ...
And welcome to the blogosphere!
Diane
haha, it's my newest addiction :-)
Welcome to the blogosphere...and glad to have played a part in your becoming a part of it. Sorry that you took offense to my post--which, it should be noted, is over a year old.
All I was saying was that for people who do want to marry within the tribe, it would be nice if there were similar models for us in celebrity culture. I am not in any way deriding your choice, and the fact that you've found love. I'm happy for you and wish you the best with your family.
Esther Kustanowitz said...All I was saying was that for people who do want to marry within the tribe, it would be nice if there were similar models for us in celebrity culture.
Yikes! Looking to Hollywood for self-reflection is a fantastically bad idea.
LZ
hey Esther, glad you could drop by. What is offense really? I disagreed with your statement on 2 levels:
1. We can only truly be role models for ourselves. Everyone else has different goals and values than us. If we forget this, we become lost in desiring to be like someone else. That kind of lust and jealousy I'm sure 'God' would say is not a beneficial thing for the human soul.
2. You're not happy because you are unable to wish me mazel tov because i am not with someone of my 'tribe' (funny, i didn't realize i had one of those...). So how can you now suddenly a year later be happy for me?
You're entitled to your opinion, but be honest. Backtracking is a cop out.
How do you think Zach Braff and 1000s of other Jews who may have come across your post feel about your perspective?
Unwelcome in the 'tribe'. Ostracized.
Obviously looking to Hollywood for role models isn't the most solid of plans, but it happens. Even if I'm "smart enough" to know that Hollywood isn't reality, it's still a prominent cultural influence.
And as for the "mazal tov" distinction, I feel like that's what you wish people who are doing a uniquely Jewish thing. I believe I would wish anyone who finds love a "congratulations." I appreciate the miracle of people finding each other, whatever religion they are. Love is elusive enough, and yes, creating another level of restriction by eliminating a group of people based on religion does make dating harder and love less likely. But that's a choice that some of us make. Some of us don't. And some of us who make that choice now, may later revoke our position. That's our right as people, to change our minds.
And as for one post making others feel unwelcome, I can't ever control how other people react to my posts. Some of the most innocuous things I've written have created a cascade of negativity from commenters, and some of my more thoughtful, balanced posts fail to achieve a single comment. So you can't control the blogosphere.
Certainly anyone who knows me would vouch for the fact that I aim to lead an inclusive, nonjudgmental life. If this post seems an aberration of that approach, then all I can say--and have said--is that I'm sorry.
Whatever inspires people, I'm not going to take exception to. That's your own personal business.
I'm not sure how you found this blog. It seems to me that you are trying to backpedal or justify your comments somehow. We can travel in circles for months on end.
At the end of the day, your line of thinking is a big part of what ostracizes people from the 'tribe'.
If you truly 'aim to lead an inclusive, nonjudgmental life', perhaps you should look over your post again and consider is what I'm writing true to my core values?
Zach Braff is a real human being whether he's in the media or not. He has a real life to live his private life in a way that honours who he is as a person rather than how you view him as an object for you to model a life after.
Mazel Tov translates as congratulations. Semantics do not count as an apology. I am Jewish, why not wish me mazel tov? I say salam alakeim to my partner's family. That's part of sharing your culture with another. I promise he won't be offended if you wish him mazel tov, in fact, he probably knows more Hebrew than a lot of your Jewish friends. He can sing songs in Hebrew.
Semantics, shmantics. By not wishing someone mazel tov, you are effectively ostracizing me from the tribe for my choice. Just because my partner's not Jewish, does not mean that I cease to be.
Please, stick by what you say. There's nothing worse than back-pedaling. If you think Jews should stick together, don't turn around and start pretending to be inclusive because someone takes issue with that. If you're really inclusive, it will be reflected in your writing and the way you interact with others in the future.
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